im in a very discouraged and down mood, not even crying or being hysterical just bored of everything and everyone. i also feel really ugly. i have one friend that im somewhat close with, i mean i have a lot of other friends but its more of like talking a couple times and like waving at them when i see them in the hallway and thats it. this one friend that i actually talk to i dont really want to be friends with anymore. its super weird because shes my best friend and i love her shes so sweet but something about our friendship just makes me feel bad. we are always talking about sneaking out and "doing something crazy" (she ALWAYS says "we have to do something crazy!!") but then when it comes down to actually doing anything we just sit awkwardly and talk about nothing. its so awkward all of the time and it feels like its just talk, when i bring up us actually doing anything it always trails off into nothing. i have this weird feeling where our friendship isnt even really about being friends anymore but more the "aesthetics" of it, we both use pinterest and our identity in a way revolves around the items and looks we associate with ourselves. i also have this really weird feeling that she wants to be me, i dont say this ever either because of how stupid it sounds if ur wrong. her pinterest is literally resembling mine and i remember when we first exchanged them- hers had ANIME COSPLAY BOARD LOL. i dont like this feeling at all. but i dont think its her fault that im so bored. its me and i just dont want friends i want to distance from all of them. i have a hard time having real friendships that last. i hate the feeling of someone getting close to me and see the "real me" its super awkward and uncomfortable for them to realize theres nothing there and im just so dull and devoid of any personality. like behind the obvious attempts of me trying to be interesting, theres nothing interesting at all. i dont really listen to underground music or think about nature all of the time, i dont even pray that often. i try to pray but its really difficult for me.